FloridaSlam
FloridaSlam took place on June 16th 2018. ~THE WRESTLING CARD, FLORIDIZED FOR YOUR APPROVAL~ Randy "The Eagle" Eagleman (Necro-Partyweight Champion) vs. Travis County Municipal Court Extant Dockets ***************************** Court is in session...THE COURT OF RAW! It's totally legal and totally sucks! Randy Eagleman has insisted on facing a gauntlet of THE MODERATELY WANTED! Cheaters, shoplifters, jaywalkers, stop-sign violators -- they all must face his judgement, and potentially lose their soul to his HUNGRY, DAEMONIC BELT! Is this the beginning of a new era of reciprocative Justice for PWR?! ***************************** BENCHHORSE vs. GARY THE GOAT ***************************** The Stable... DESTABILIZED! The tenuous friendship of these animals has gone utterly to manure. PWR's most dangerous ANTHROPOMORPHIC GOAT goes HOOF TO HOOF with an undefeated horse that knows how to WRESTLE AND BENCH PRESS! Check it out! "Why the hell not" ***************************** Ralph Macchiato vs. Sweetie Tuff Macchiato: a vicious barrista with a score to settle against all UNTRAINED PALETTES! Sweetie Tuff: a reality-hardened woodland nymph who loves cats and, against all odds, humanity! Prepare for XTREME ARRYTHMIA from the TRIPLE-ESPRESSO-STRENGTH competition! ***************************** Dan "the Man" Ziglar vs. Luigi Primo Did I hear that right?! Dan Ziglar is PWR's GOLDEN SCION of corporate, app-based wrestling. But the only app that Luigi Primo cares about is the ANTIPASTO of brutality - technical wrestling! We're talking about an extremely Italian chef who won't tolerate anything other than pizza! The hassles mount between these rivals; the sauce turns a deeper shade of red! ***************************** The Intergalactic Express vs. The North American RailRoad Commission (BFF Champions) ***************************** TRAINYARD RULES - NO HOLDS BARRED! The extra-terrestrial IGX challenge the ultimate enforcers of TRAINLAW: THE NARRC (Bull DeCroix and The Conductor)! THESE STEAM-POWERED MANIACS can use their BFF TITLE BELTS to fuse into ONE UNSTOPPABLE BEING! Can SPACE LIZARD SUPER WIZARD's blinding agility and MR. MASSIVE GOLIATH'S incalculable strength PULL THE BRAKES on the NARRC'S LOCOMOTIVE ONSLAUGHT?! June 16th is your MAIN CHANCE TO KNOW! ***************************** Dino Obscuro VICE (Live investigation) ***************************** Dino Rida is Rex Chop: a detective who harnesses THE POWER OF ALL DINOSAURS to defeat monstrous foes! He's combining forces with the mysterious, masked referee/vigilante ARBITRO OBSCURO. The heat builds as they rush to crack the case: who's been selling WEIRD NECRODRUGS to flamingos in Miami?! A normal wrestling segment! Also: Hot Dog (Garbageweight Champion) in Action! ***************************** The inhalant-addled street-punk named Hot Dog is our current Garbageweight Champion. But the 24 HOUR DEFENSE rule on that belt means he could lose it at ANY TIME! We'll update this space if the title changes hands. ***************************** the Dumpster Babes in Action! ***************************** The Dumpster Babes: PINK EYE and Babyface (Th3 Babyface FaN Club)! They're trash people who live in a dumpster. They also have a trash child they birthed, who sometimes transforms into an adult man still wearing a diaper. It's cool! ***************************** - Puggin'head and Chubby Uncle Juan ***************************** It's PWR's most popular children's TV host and his small, felt-covered nephew! Having won their first match as a tag-team at WORMQUEST, they're ready for MORE FIGHTING (Pugginhead is, at least!)! ***************************** - Alexandra Cage ***************************** GOING TO BAT FOR THE KIDS is Alexandra Cage's main deal! She can MESS UP opponents and SET UP community direct-action events with equal ease! Yes... ***************************** - Big Daddy Bolero If you meet a wealthy oil tycoon with a huge cowboy hat who kicks you in the face as a greeting, you're probably in Dallas, and it's probably Big Daddy Bolero. Who's his next opponent?! ***************************** - Skip Rathbone ***************************** This cyborg game show host, wrestler and bodymod addict is becoming a real problem for everyone! WHO WILL HE HARANGUE NEXT?! WILL THEIR FLESH REMAIN INTACT? --------------------------------------------- POST SHOW WRITE-UP --------------------------------------------- ~The Necrobelt Triumphs, Absorbs Our Heroes!~ ~The Eagle Remains Champion!~ ~New Intergalactic BFFs!~ Everyone, the worst has happened, and we want you to know we are here for you, to stand together in our time of agony. Randy "The Eagle" Eagleman has absorbed our beloved Worm, the only Worm, TEEN WORM, into the Necrobelt, along with the Dock Master. In that horrendous moment, we all saw a vision. It was as if WE ALL HAD BEEN ABSORBED into the BONEREALM! This vision passed, but we resolve to take our next step... Yes -- We believe we can redeem this awful turn of events! We believe in PWR -- we believe in the Multiverse! We believe in the lessons we learned at FLORIDASLAM! For on Saturday, we stood shoulder to shoulder, there in the palm-shade of Pensacola! As we became ourselves citizens of Florida, we discovered its secrets; we heard it's lessons! The teeth of the gator and the beak of the wretched flamingo gird us to stand up against the darkness...This September, we will enter the BONE REALM itself to liberate Teen Worm, defeat Randy, and save Dock Master! But how did we get here? --Intergalactic Express defeat North American Railroad Commission, become new BFF Champions-- In our first match of the night, the high-flying Space Lizard Super Wizard and mighty MISTER MASSIVE GOLIATH took on BULL DECROIX and THE CONDUCTOR! Trainyard Rules reigned...which meant weapons were total legal! IGX had to dig deep, and the normally NOBLE ALIENS summoned forth a MEAN STREAK that neutralized the advantage of their TRAIN LOVING rivals! But the power of the BFF belts were in the hands of the NARRC - and THE PHANTOM TRAIN WAS SUMMONED. But ah, how could we have known, the INTERGALACTIC EXPRESS had their own strange powers! They DEFUSED into 4 SEPARATE BEINGS, and ROCKED THE ULTIMATE FUSION OF THE NARRC until they had to defuse themselves! And it was the Intergalactic Express who proved their friendship was mightiest - becoming our new Best Friends Forever champions! --Ralph Macchiatto defeats Sweetie Tuff-- The leader of the Cult of Coffee came to the ring to torment the audience with a barrage of palette-based insults! But the former forrest nymph, Sweetie Tuff, wouldn't let this bullying stand! Ralph and Sweetie had a PIER-SIX BRAWL with flashes of technical brilliance. The conniving CATHY CAPPUCINO's attempts to cheat on Ralph's behalf were neutralized by Sweetie's pal CRYBABY! But finally, Cathy was able to get some grounds in the face of Sweetie - which kept them from effectively kicking out of Macchiatto's pin. The Cult of Coffee may have triumphed, but the friendship of Sweetie and Crybaby may be the real winner here! --Luigi Primo and Dan "The Man" Ziglar double-disqualified-- Next, PWR's REAL ITALIAN PIZZA CHEF took on the BRAND-AMBASSADOR BAD BOY! Luigi forced Dan into a chain-wrestling match, but it wasn't long before Dan WRESTLED IN BAD FAITH and put the hurt on Luigi. But Luigi's early-game arm holds had weakened Dan's grip, and the chef escaped a potentially match-ending sleeper! Luigi was set to cinch up a victory, but the ref had been knocked cold by a VISIBLE HAND OF CAPITALISM delivered to the ref by a blinded Dan. This miscarriage of justice turned out to be the least of everyone's concerns. THE ESSENCE OF PIZZA showed up to enact vengeance on Luigi. But it wasn't just PASTAMAN that helped save the day...Dan surprised everyone by helping frighten off the monster with a pair of steel chairs! Luigi and Pastaman would need to render payment for this service - by helping Dan with a weird plan! They left to pursue a whispered goal... --Alexandra Cage and Pink Eye defeat The Tallahasslers-- Everybody out of the water! The TALLAHASSLERS were on the scene to enforce POOL RULES - which seemed excessive, with violent and excessive punishments! They had captured BABYFACE and HALITOSIS, Pink Eye's DUMPSTER FAMILY! Luckily, the radical crusader ALEXANDRA CAGE was there to team up against the 'Hasslers. A barrage of whistling and distressingly athletic maneuvers rocked Pink Eye and Cage throughout the match. But the strength of Cage and wily, disgusting offense of 'Eye WOULD NOT let them triumph! Finally, the secret of the Tallahasslers was revealed! They could not handle REGULAR WATER! A pair of FULLY LOADED SUPER SOAKERS put an end to the two Water Beasts (for now!). The Dumpster Family was saved, and TRUE JUSTICE was restored to the pool! Yes... --Bench Horse defeats Gary the Goat-- The terms of Bench Horse and Gary's FORCED FRIENDSHIP had finally come to an end! This BARNYARD BRAWL truly put Bench Horse's horrific strength on display! But Gary's high-flying and sure-footed attacks nearly felled the unstoppable horse. In the end, another succumbed to the HORSE BENCH, and the goat was knocked unconscious by the back-bending maneuver. But a rematch challenge was issued! The story mayn't be over for these two fierce animal rivals! --Puggin'Head and Chubby Uncle Juan defeat Big Daddy Bolero and Hog the Bounty Hunter-- The newly formed tag team of REAL BOY WRESTLER Puggin'Head and his uncle Juan then set out on their 2nd match! Their opponents for this go were BIG DADDY BOLERO and his recent hire: HOG THE BOUNTY HUNTER! The Dallas Tycoon and Floridian Swine kept their opponents from tagging out, and BDB's limitless supply of cash earned the favor of referee Smooth Vernie Vegas! But not even that wild chicanery could keep PUGGN'MANIA down! Against all odds, Juan's almost-immobile style of wrestling worked in concert with Puggy's boundless spirit to score a second W for the team! But BDB wasn't done - after the match was over, as Puggy crowd-surfed, Bolero SHARPIED ON A MUSTACHE and gave Chubby Uncle Juan a boot to the face! PWR management will surely fine him for this! --Shell Shocked! A Cronch is Blown, A Legend Returns!-- By CONTRACTUAL OBLIGATION, PWR had to grant Necro Partyweight champion, Randy "The Eagle" Eagleman an in-ring segment. Accompanied by the daemonic manager "Jeff," Randy proceeded to put Luigi Primo, Pastaman, and Dan Ziglar on trial! This sham court session ended in a verdict of GUILTY - with an immediate sentence of death by SOUL ABSORPTION! But before this wicked work could commence, a skeleton pulled off its own face -- revealing THEODOSIA! She freed the captives and initiated a fracas with the rest of the skeletons. Her object? Grab the CRONCH held by Jeff and summon the Dock Master! But it was DAN who ended up with the shell! To everyone's surprise, he blew it!!! A storm rose - and DOCK MASTER EMERGED! The main event was set...Randy vs. Dock in the eye of the hurricane! --The Necromongers defeat Rex Chop and Arbitro Obscuro-- After that, we saw private investigator REX CHOP and his partner, the mysterious defender of wrestling law, Arbitro Obscuro! Their investigation into a brutal Floridian DEATH-DRUG RING led them afoul of the NECROMONGERS: NIGHTMAYOR AND BARON ZAHKEY! Rex and Arbitro fought out from under these powerful minions of Randy - but Night Mayor was able to interrupt Rex's transformation into his DINO RIDA form - ending the match prematurely! It seems that the NECROMONGERS' will continue dealing out suffering in Florida...and beyond! --Hot Dog Reclaims Garbageweight Title against Skip Rathbone, then Loses it to Skunk Ape-- After gaining the Garbageweight title from Hot Dog, Skip Rathbone forced PWR's favorite crustpunk into a VICIOUS GAMESHOW! As new prizes emerged, new weapons were gained! Millions of dollars worth of treasures were DESTROYED MERCILESSLY! After stealing HOT DOG'S VERY LIVER, a dip in the pool cost Skip the match! An ELECTRIFIED STUNNER from the Dog preceded a pin! But Hot Dog's reign was brief - for the SKUNK APE emerged, smacked him and became our new Garbageweight Champion! Wow! --Randy "The Eagle" Eagleman disqualified in match against Dock Master, Retains Necro Partyweight Title-- In an absolutely furious exchange, Randy's undoubted technical prowess was tested by Dock Master's ocean-borne strength! Though his hand was seemingly rebroken, Dock rose again and again, pummeling Randy to waves of cheers! But Randy finally gave in to the dark will of the Necro Partyweight title. Queued by his skeleton minions, he allowed their interference to turn the tide of the battle! Randy himself smacked Dock with a chair, costing him the match. Alas, the title can only change hands on a pin or submission, so Randy remains Necro Partyweight champ. If that wasn't enough, he tried to bargain with both Dock Master and Teen Worm (who had finally revealed herself!)! But the pair violently struck back against Randy! Then, horror of horrors! The belt was raised, its eldritch power flashing and chuffing. When the smoke cleared, everyone was gone, seemingly absorbed into the BONE REALM ITSELF! Thank you for sharing this set of moments with us! We'll see you in September, when we open the gates of THE BONEREALM and reclaim our destiny! SLAMHAIN APPROACHES, NECROSLAM LOOMS!